I am so fucked, you guys. Some brilliant anonymouse keeps posting these hilarious AU snippets on the kink meme in which Chris has a 10-year-old kid and Zach is the live-in nanny. I usually avoid kid!fic at all costs, but these are not sappy or cutesy in the least. Well, maybe a little cute, but in a sassy-bitch sort of a way.
Anyway, the problem: I love it so much I sat down last night and wrote roughly 3,000 words of two potential kid!fics. Okay, about two-thirds of it is just Zach/Chris dialogue, but seriously. Then it was 3:30 in the morning and I was all "Shit, forgot to sleep." So I'm a little loopy now, but yeah. I might be writing Big Gay Kid!fic and I don't know how I should feel about that.
So obviously the last fic I posted was not the Halloween-ish crack that I promised, but I am still working on that. It keeps taking strange turns on me. Sadly, I won't have much time to write coming up -- I'm going out of town for the next two weekends, first to New York and then (hopefully) to LA. Let's all pretend that I'm really that cosmopolitan and this isn't a big deal at all and I'm going to do something glamorous instead of mostly hanging out in my sister's dorm room and my friend's apartment, respectively.
Also, as you may have noticed, I have discovered glitter text. This can only lead to bad things.
Dammit you guys, there are sparkly dicks behind me, aren't there?
- Mood:
dorky - Music:"Float On" ~Modest Mouse
Author:
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
the_deep_magicPairing: Pinto
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 5,544
Warnings: offstage violence, angst, schmoop
Disclaimer: Not mine; didn't happen.
Summary: “Disturbance on the Heroes set… shots fired… tall, dark-haired man seen being loaded on to an ambulance. Shit, you don’t think that could be—”
A/N: Holy cow, a fic not prompted by the kink meme! Crazy times.
( It wasn’t even Chris’ usual coffee place, and the service was terrible. )
- Mood:
calm - Music:"Modern Romance" ~The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Well, this is the best I could do. It's a few clips and the finale, and it seems to be from Universal Studios Hollywood, but I believe the "plot" is the same. Anyway, skip the lame-ass Twilight intro ("joke"=Edward Cullen's gay! OMG!) and the curse-less replica of the Christian Bale rant. Some highlights:
1:38 - Uhura dancing to that one Beyonce song, also featuring Kirk and Spock with special guest appearance by The Shat!
3:49 - Finale starts with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'"
4:45 - Michael Jackson shows up -- actually a well-done tribute, if you can believe it. Plus, Spock doing the Thriller dance is never not funny.
7:28 - "I'm On a Ship" -- yeah, it's been done to death, but it's still funny as shit. Plus, soon afterward Kirk's shirt comes off.
So, yeah, the writing for the show is always unbelievably crappy and the jokes are stale and predictable, but I still love it. It's just nice to know that there are some constants in the universe: the earth orbits at a known rate around the sun, the circumference of a circle divided by its diameter equals pi, and at the end of the Bill and Ted show, everyone dances around for no reason in various stages of undress.
It's... almost poetry.
- Mood:
nostalgic
Author:
the_deep_magicPairing: Pinto
Total Word Count: 17,827
Rating: varies by part from PG-13 to NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't know these people and I am not making any money from this.
Summary: For this prompt at the kink meme. Basically, Zach/Chris, slow romance ... they don't fuck on the first date.
Part the First / Rating: PG-13 / Word Count: 2,362
Part the Second / Rating: PG-13 / Word Count: 2,396
Part the Third / Rating: NC-17 / Word Count: 3,897
Part the Fourth / Rating: NC-17 / Word Count: 3,976
Part the Fifth / Rating: NC-17 / Word Count: 5,196
- Mood: pleased
Author:
the_deep_magicPairing: Pinto
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 5,196
Disclaimer: I do not know these people and I am not making any money from this.
Summary: For this prompt at the kink meme. Basically, Zach/Chris, slow romance … they don’t fuck on the first date.
A/N: Finished! To those of you that have been following along with this, thank you so much for your lovely words of support. And to those of you just beginning to read now that it’s complete, I hope you like it!
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4
( Chris almost missed it at first, bleary-eyed as he was, but his eyes landed on the words as he brushed his teeth. )
- Mood: accomplished
- Music:"Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying" ~Belle & Sebastian
So let's play a little game here. Which of the following have I NOT found in the recycled paper bins?
a) Explicit photographs of horrifying medical anomalies
b) 70 double-sided pages of nothing but blank PowerPoint slides
c) Gum -- oh, god, so much gum
d) The same 13-page paper printed 39 times (yes, I counted)
e) Sheet music for Britney Spears' "Toxic"
f) Gay porn
If you said "B" you are... wrong. Trick question -- I have found ALL of these wondrous things (and more) at one point or another. The gay porn, by the way, came out of the Honors College lab, evidence of the shamefully low admission standards here, at least when it comes to common sense. That's just College 101, people: no porn on the shared printer. Corollary 126 of Rule 29 ("Never leave a paper trail") in the How Not to Be a Douchebag Handbook. I mean, I didn't mind it so much (though, let me tell you, it was a surprise), but the guy who was helping me sort the paper still talks about that day like it was 'Nam.
And there is a special place in hell reserved for people who spit their gum into recycled paper bins. Remember that.
Anyone else gonna have the first 60 seconds of tonight's Heroes on mental repeat for... ever? ::flail::
- Mood:
hot - Music:"Everybody Wants the Same Thing" ~Scissor Sisters
Title: What You See (2/2)
Author:the_deep_magic
Pairing: Pinto
Word Count: 4,055
Rating: hard R
Warnings: angst, dirty talk
Summary: for this prompt at the kink meme – Chris has body image issues. Seriously. All he can focus on are his flaws and he hates himself when he looks in the mirror. He can't talk to anyone about them [be]cause no one will take him seriously. Until someone (idc who) actually witnesses him picking himself apart.
A/N: I am working on the last part of Yellow Light! I am! I just keep getting distracted by irresistible prompts such as this.
( “Listen to yourself. Would you say that shit about anyone else? Would you say it about me?” )</div>
Title: What You See (1/2)
Author: the_deep_magic
Pairing: Pinto
Word Count: 4,055
Rating: hard R
Warnings: angst, dirty talk
Summary: for this prompt at the kink meme – Chris has body image issues. Seriously. All he can focus on are his flaws and he hates himself when he looks in the mirror. He can't talk to anyone about them [be]cause no one will take him seriously. Until someone (idc who) actually witnesses him picking himself apart.
A/N: I am working on the last part of Yellow Light! I am! I just keep getting distracted by irresistible prompts such as this.
- Mood:
awake
So I had this whole rant typed out about how my job is actually making me stupid(er), but then I figured I ought to just rec some porn instead. (And I am totally not copying ewinfic; I was actually going to do this yesterday and forgot, so there!) Anyway, here is some magical stuff what was written for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Pinto:
Dirty Pool bywiththepilot
Rating: NC-17
Prompt: Zach fucks Chris on a pool table. It's not their pool table.
Untitled by anonymous over at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
trek_rpf_kink
Rating: NC-17
Prompt: Sounding (Not sure why I anon'd to prompt and comment -- I've written weirder. Must've been feeling shy.)
Mastermind by jackschism (for Sinfest v.3)
Rating: NC-17
Prompt: "That is the LAST time I let you borrow something out of my closet."
Systematic || It Starts With, Ends With by x_carnivale_x (for trekrpfexchange)
Rating: NC-17
Prompt: Chris is completely obsessed with Zach's hair. He loves touching it, playing with it, etc., mostly when it hasn't got any mousse/gel/gunk in it. So, naturally, he steals all of Zach's hair products and holds them for ransom. Sexytimes are a bonus, but cuddling is fine, too.
No Pain Inside, You're My Protection by b_dsaint (for Sinfest v.4)
Rating: R (for drug use)
Prompt: One of them's detoxing; the other helps him through it.
Kirk/Spock:
The Cuddling Conundrum by ewinfic (for Sinfest v.3)
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: Spock overhears from someone (probably Bones) that Kirk loves to cuddle. This whole "cuddling" thing is completely foreign to Vulcans, so Spock decides he has to learn how before he can approach Kirk for naughty times. How does Spock learn to cuddle? In-depth research, asking awkward questions, etc.
Miscalculations by rockinhamburger (for Sinfest v.4)
Rating: NC-17
Prompt: Kirk/Spock first time -- someone manages to slip Spock the intergalactic equivalent of ecstacy. Kirk reeeeally doesn't want to take advantage, but he's got hot Vulcan hands all over him...
Go read these if you haven't already, as they are wonderful and their authors are GQMFs, every one of them!
And I am working on Yellow Light! I am! I just keep getting waylaid by plotbunnies with nasty, sharp, pointy teeth (also fishnets and six-inch heels -- but that will all be revealed in due time).
- Mood:
cranky - Music:"I Just Want the Girl in the Blue Dress to Keep on Dancing" ~Mike Doughty
Title: You Had Me at “Pon Farr” (2/2)
Author:the_deep_magic
Pairing: Pinto
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: CRACK, bondage, plot devices
Word Count: 8,209
Disclaimer: I don’t know them. Nor did I come up with the concept of Pon Farr, though I truly wish I had. Would’ve been more like “every seven days,” though…
Summary: Zach goes through Pon Farr. Yup. Prompted forever ago here at the kink meme.
A/N: I have no doubt done horrible things to ST canon (and possibly reality itself) here, but I maintain it is all justified under the noble banner of crack!fic.
Title: You Had Me at “Pon Farr” (1/2)
Author:the_deep_magic
Pairing: Pinto
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: CRACK, bondage, plot devices
Word Count: 8,209
Disclaimer: I don’t know them. Nor did I come up with the concept of Pon Farr, though I truly wish I had. Would’ve been more like “every seven days,” though…
Summary: Zach goes through Pon Farr. Yup. Prompted forever ago here at the kink meme.
A/N: I have no doubt done horrible things to ST canon (and possibly reality itself) here, but I maintain it is all justified under the noble banner of crack!fic. Split up into two posts again because LJ is a hater.( “My friend, we have got to get you laid.” )
- Mood: amused
- Music:"I'm Your Villain" - Franz Ferdinand
Author:
the_deep_magicPairing: Zach/OMC
Rating: R
Warnings: prostitution, a bit of angst
Word Count: 409
Prompt: Zach/rentboy + lyrics from "Rich" by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
A/N: This is very different from what I usually write. Originally posted over at the Poor Man's Sinfest V. 4
( It’s ironic, really: he only starts paying for it after he knows he could pretty much get it anywhere for free. )
- Mood: calm
Title: Taking Direction
Author:the_deep_magic
Pairing: Chris/Zach/Karl (with established Pinto)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: D/s, toys, voyeurism, spanking
Word Count: 2,489
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Summary: For this prompt at the kink meme – I'd like to see Zach taking a turn directing-directing Karl on how to fuck Chris.
A/N: Somewhere along the way, Pinto turned into an S&M comedy duo. No one is surprised.
( “Don’t think of it as bossing. Just imagine you’re taking direction for a scene. I’ll give you the general blocking, but a little improvisation is perfectly fine.” )
- Mood: accomplished
- Music:"Countdown" ~The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
If you're looking for intellectual deconstruction of pop culture, go somewhere else. This is mostly just me ranting. Spoilers up to the episode noted in the cuts.
( House up to The Tyrant )( Heroes up to Acceptance )
( Bones up to The Plain in the Prodigy )
( Fringe up to Fracture )
( Community (no spoilers) )
( The Office up to The Promotion )
Can I have a word with whatever genius decided to put all the shows I watch on at the same times? Did putting Fringe opposite CSI and Grey's Anatomy and The Office actually improve ratings? No. Dammit Fox, you are going to kill this one just like you killed Sliders and Space: Above and Beyond and Strange Luck and Firefly and...
Why does anyone even bother pitching sci-fi shows to Fox?
Edit: Is it just me, or has
crackenterprise recced the same K/S fic three times in a row? I mean, it's a good fic, but we're not exactly hurting for choice around here.- Mood:
blah - Music:"She's My Man" ~Scissor Sisters
Capt. Fine has a red hanky in his right back pocket. MY FANFIC, IT IS TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE!!!!
Truly lovely pictures of the boys today at
ontd_startrek. Just what I needed after New Boss Lady treated us all like third graders -- particularly slow third graders -- today at unpaid seminar. CFine has obviously sold his soul to the devil to be able to look that good in that lighting. And ZQ... can't I just lick him? A little bit?Which reminds me: someone posted an awesome prompt at
trek_rpf_kinkto the tune of Chris perving over Zach doing yoga. I want some bendy!Zach so bad, but I can't write it on account of I know fuck-all about yoga and would screw it up. Anyone out there wanna give it a go?Speaking of perving (and, really, when am I not?), I'm working on another total crack fic, and I realized it will be my third fic in a row in which Chris drools (metaphorically) over Zach in the shower. This is in no way reflective of my own preferences. Nope.
Yes, I do have a life outside of Pinto and Star Trek, it's just really dull and centered mostly around medical rhetoric, Slurpees, and comma splices (though not necessarily in that order).
I need some new icons.
- Mood:
devious - Music:"Death Rides a Midnight Train" ~Poverty Branch
Title: Our Fate Has Long Been Cast (2/2)
Author: the_deep_magic
Pairing: Pinto
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,213
Disclaimer: I don’t own them and I’m not making any money from this.
Summary: This is how Zach decides that Chris is going to leave him.
Warnings: angst, rimming, comma abuse
A/N: Written for this prompt on the kink meme. Title from “Nobody Loves You” by Garbage, which is totally Zach’s emo breakup song for this. My first foray into Pinto angst, y’all (but don’t stress – I don’t do H without the C).
A/N II: For some reason, LJ is saying this is too long to fit in one post, so I've had to break it up in two. Sorry.( He’d mostly felt exasperation when they’d started this, but now Zach is legitimately angry. )
Title: Our Fate Has Long Been Cast (1/2)
Author:the_deep_magic
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,213
Disclaimer: I don’t own them and I’m not making any money from this.
Summary: This is how Zach decides that Chris is going to leave him.
Warnings: angst, rimming, comma abuse
A/N: Written for this prompt on the kink meme. Title from “Nobody Loves You” by Garbage, which is totally Zach’s emo breakup song for this. My first foray into Pinto angst, y’all (but don’t stress – I don’t do H without the C).
A/N II: For some reason, LJ is saying this is too long to fit in one post, so I've had to break it up in two. Sorry.
( Chris doesn’t own any gay porn. )
Continue to part 2
- Mood: restless
Title: Ham and Pineapple
Author:the_deep_magic
Pairing: Pinto
Rating: PG
Word Count: 722
Summary: For this prompt on the kink meme requesting intense snuggles
Disclaimer: Sadly, they are not mine and this is a lie.
A/N: Sappy and rambling, and I make no apologies for it. Reposed from the kink meme with minor edits.
Title: Yellow Light (Part 4/5)
Author:the_deep_magic
Pairing: Pinto
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,976
Disclaimer: I do not know these people and I am not making any money from this.
Summary: For this prompt at the kink meme. Basically, Zach/Chris, slow romance … they don’t fuck on the first date.
A/N: So I’m crazy-nervous about this part after all the buildup (you guys are awesome readers, by the way), but at some point I have to stop rewriting the same three sentences over and over and post it already. And it might as well be now, yes?
( “So I’ve got all these words,” Chris said, trying to focus on the road. “But I don’t think any of them are the right ones.” )
- Mood:
nervous
Author: the_deep_magic
Fandom: ST:XI
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 534
Disclaimer: Sadly, they do not belong to me
Prompt: Spock likes to watch. Kirk knows that Spock watches him all the time and decides to give him a show he won't soon forget.
A/N: Originally posted at the Poor Man's Sinfest v.2
( Apparently, Kirk has been – as McCoy might say – “on to him” this whole time. Either that or he has recently lost the ability to properly consume food. )
